Hi there ladies, quick poll: Do you have any heart jewelry lying around? I say “lying around” because I’m willing to bet that if you do own something — a $29.99 heart-shaped pendant on a chain, perhaps — you aren’t wearing it.
That’s because, to put it bluntly, most heart-shaped jewelry isn’t cute. Sorry if I’m offending anyone here, but it’s the unfortunate truth. It’s generally terrible. At worst, it makes the wearer look like she’s playing Pretty Pretty Princess, and at best it screams “I didn’t pick this out for myself!”
Which leads me to something else about your heart necklace that I’d put money on: You didn’t pick it out for yourself. It was a gift given to you by your grandma, or more likely by a man — a clueless man who has been tricked into thinking all women like heart jewelry, thanks to the sheer volume of saccharine, pandering ads run by Zales, Kay, and Jared around Valentine’s Day.
Despite what Jane Seymour would have you think, there are many of us who don’t like heart-shaped tokens of affection. I’ve got three heart pendant necklaces, all given to me by well-meaning boys, and all of which have been buried in a drawer for the past decade. A friend told me she was given two in elementary school, and she still suspects to this day that they were stolen from the boys’ mothers. (Honestly, I doubt they minded.)