This is part of why we do what we do. Thank you, Cory Baldwin for articulating it so well... We heart you.
PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD STOP BUYING HEART-SHAPED JEWELRY FOR VALENTINE'S DAY
Hi there ladies, quick poll: Do you have any heart jewelry lying around? I say “lying around” because I’m willing to bet that if you do own something — a $29.99 heart-shaped pendant on a chain, perhaps — you aren’t wearing it.
That’s because, to put it bluntly, most heart-shaped jewelry isn’t cute. Sorry if I’m offending anyone here, but it’s the unfortunate truth. It’s generally terrible. At worst, it makes the wearer look like she’s playing Pretty Pretty Princess, and at best it screams “I didn’t pick this out for myself!”
Which leads me to something else about your heart necklace that I’d put money on: You didn’t pick it out for yourself. It was a gift given to you by your grandma, or more likely by a man — a clueless man who has been tricked into thinking all women like heart jewelry, thanks to the sheer volume of saccharine, pandering ads run by Zales, Kay, and Jared around Valentine’s Day.
Despite what Jane Seymour would have you think, there are many of us who don’t like heart-shaped tokens of affection. I’ve got three heart pendant necklaces, all given to me by well-meaning boys, and all of which have been buried in a drawer for the past decade. A friend told me she was given two in elementary school, and she still suspects to this day that they were stolen from the boys’ mothers. (Honestly, I doubt they minded.)
As a gift, a piece of heart jewelry is a total and complete cop-out. Can you think of anything less personal and more cheesy at the same time? It’s a shallow expression of intimacy and love that doesn’t bother to consider what the giftee actually likes, unless she happens to be part of the small cadre of adult women who are actually super into heart pendants.
Just in case you think I’m a scorned lover, I promise this is not a rage against a dumb boy for buying me ugly heart jewelry. Nope, it’s a PSA. It’s an open letter to try to save a few clueless bros from embarrassment, and a few would-be owners of heart necklaces the awkwardness of having to pretend you like something that you just really, really don’t.
If you really want to buy jewelry for your significant other, I suggest waiting until V-Day passes — because come on, it’s the heart-shaped pendant of greeting card holidays — and buying her something legitimately cool that fits her aesthetic.